opto, ergo sum

life is just another momentum for me
it dwells...sucking me into the deepest core of feeling
the feeling that i hate the most, the feeling that i adore the most...
i never really know about my self, never the less, i hate my self all the time...
ive been through a lot sickening situation all this past 6 year...it always become a downfall for me, and it even can get any worser pass through the year...
people just come and go with leaving a mark, a bloody mark all through my heart...
it stab me, rip me, suck all the joy that i had, and leave it leak like a broken pipe...
ive almost kissed the mouth of death once, and runaway my mind from my body and soul
i never thought that i would survive...but i did...
but it just make me into a horrible person, a very horrible heartless person...
im sick being loved, and i sick being in love
it just never occurs me that love will set you free
it just make you stuck, like a bird in golden cage...
loves just gone from my dictionary
im no foolish, yet not a holy person...im just a living zombie who will get all my soul sucked everytime for pleasing others...
still, i dont know my self...

but something struck me...again...for the thousand times
i invite the glorious death, even closer, though i know that only Him who have the privilage to gives me such present...
i lose my faith, i forget all the passion i had, i dismissed all the things that my religion says, and the worst thing...i neglected all the one that i love, and all the person who care me the most...
it feels like, i become the most sick idiot person of the century
but something happened, yes indeed, it happen with a much-much more greater impact to me...
im reborn, rejuvinated, baptiszed, and feel glorified...
something inside me grows and runs fast into my vein like a crack poisened your body...
it just mad to feel this kind of sensation...cause it burns..its burning my brain, my body, my soul, but the most important thing...its burn my heart...
i never feel this passionate sensation all my live...
its like, truly...loves really can set you free...not only your mind, but also your body and soul...
i always search for love all my live, but the silly thing is, i find out that loves is all around us...
still, i cannot truly accept my self totally...but now, i feel that i am a survived narcisius, who will catch icarus from his downfall
i can see my reflection in every single living thing in this universe...
i know why im breath, i know why im be like this, i know why im sick, i know why i have this body,...and the most important thing...i know why i was born, and i meant a lot to all the people that i knew...
cause for me, life is just a decision arena, i choose to live in this world...and because of that desicion, i am here
cause with choices, so there was i...

opto, ergo sum