i, tourist.

im afraid when my mind said its about time to go home. But i know, its not my time. Not now, not here, not like this.


If im falter, or crumble, let me mumble, between the rumble.

today.

It doesn't need genie to make your wish come true. It came true already when im at stake. Either that im hoping to be someone that's more bold and braver than you, or just as a cold hearted person that trying too supress its unstable emotion, i can't drop any tears when i got your news. Im shocked, and trembling.
Some way, you're the one who can bring the magic tod this foul city, the one who gave me light. It's silly when someone is trying too hard to redeem it self from being loveable.
I laugh hard, i love and i hate hard. But now, im simply being numb. My heart probably as promiscuous as an untamed bitch before, but when i feel great, in balance and try work on this situation, there's always some catch that can ruin it all. Im trying my best to love you, the way we love each other. Not yours or mine. Simply ours.
But today, i cry hard.

TEA # Chapter 1

01

Beep…beep…beep…

‘Waktu telah menunjukkan pukul 11.45 WIB.’

Okay. Lima belas menit lagi waktunya makan siang, dan disini hanya ada aku, seorang perawan ting-ting yang masih sibuk dengan berbagai tumpukan assignment di depan mata, sambil mengigit kecil-kecil biskuit Regal di tangan.

Gosh, bisa nggak sih aku setidaknya makan siang secara baik dan benar dengan menu-menu yang mengandung unsur 4 sehat, tapi gak harus 5 sempurna dalam seminggu ini. Di kantin, warung, restoran, dimana saja. Dan tidak hanya mengunyah biskuit ini setiap harinya. Bukannya aku malas memesan makan siangku lewat delivery service, nitip makanan sama teman kantor, atau membuat sarapan waktu pagi buta. Tapi setidaknya aku bisa bersosialisasi, ngobrol-ngobrol dan nge-gosip mengenai apapun dengan teman kerjaku pas makan siang.

Fashion, perhiasan, musik, film, artis, tempat hang-out terbaru, event mingguan.

Cowok!

Walaupun aku sadar kalau aku sama sekali tidak ahli di bidang ‘itu’, tapi setidaknya ada topik pembicaraan selain pekerjaan selama aku di kantor. Presentasi ini, presentasi itu, tabel-tabel, diagram, creative brief, prime prospect, rapat, formula-formula, hasil survey konsumen, klien, daftar budget, sketsa, komprehensif, de el el. Kalaupun ketemu dengan teman-teman kantor, palingan pas jam pulang, atau diluar jam kantor.

Ngomong-ngomong soal cowok, kadang-kadang aku berpikir untuk settle down. Punya anak, masak, nunggu suami pulang kantor, nyari resep masakan di majalah, belanja bulanan buat keluarga, ngegosip bareng ibu-ibu arisan RT. Tipikal ibu-ibu yang bersuami lah. Tapi apa daya. Belum ada pangeran sejati, berkuda putih bersih bak mutiara, melawan setiap monster-monster assignmentku di siang hari, menjemput aku sore harinya, dan memadu kasih dari malam hingga pagi menjelang. Yang ada, aku sampai sekarang masih mengurus ibu dan pamanku.

Jangan salah, teman-teman dekatku di kantor sering memanas-manasi aku untuk, setidaknya, memiliki pacar. Ada beberapa cowok yang mendekati aku sih, tapi kebanyakan cowok-cowok kutu buku. Mungkin aku punya getaran khusus yang mampu menarik para kutu buku tersebut, walaupun sebenarnya mereka memang baik padaku. Selain itu, sudah banyak juga cowok yang dicomblangi ke aku. Aku sih nggak terlalu ‘picky’, tapi yang ada malah sering salah sasaran, nggak ada yang klop. Ada yang narsis, ego-sentris, terlalu suka dandan, pikirannya sex mulu, cerewet, childish, terlalu kaku, kurang romantis, over acting, pemalu, penggugup dan sebagainya. Pokoknya nyaris semua tipe cowok yang acak kadut sudah dikenalkan ke aku.

Pernah sekali aku ketemu sama cowok yang baik banget, seorang gentleman sejati. Pas ngejemput-pun dia yang membukakan pintu mobil dan mempersilakan aku duduk dahulu sesampainya di restoran. Benar-benar seorang gentleman. Aku sempat pakai deg-degan segala. Tapi pas selesai nge-date, nggak tahu gara-gara topik pembicaraan apa, yang ada dia malah curhat ke aku. Sidik punya sidik, ternyata dia gay yang lagi bingung netapin pilihan. Straight, biseks or completely gay. Yang ada aku semalaman bingung nyari cara buat nenangin dia sesunggukan di mobilnya. Lha, terus gimana nasibku ini. Besoknya aku jadi uring-uringan di kantor.

Bukannya aku tidak menarik yah, tapi memang pada kenyataannya aku tuh orangnya biasa banget. Secara fisik aku itu amat sangat standar. Badanku tidak terlalu tinggi, kurang lebih 157 cm, dengan berat badan ideal. Tipikal orang Jawa kraton katanya. Tubuhku, secara proporsi pas dan semuanya pada ukuran serta panjang yang sesuai. Jadi lenganku tidak terlalu panjang kayak monyet, leherku tidak terlalu panjang kayak jerapah, perutku nggak buncit kayak kuda nil dan kakiku juga nggak sejenjang kaki burung unta. Terlepas dari ukuran pinggulku yang ‘lumayan’ besar. Dan mukaku-pun katanya lumayan menarik kalau tersenyum.

Yang jadi masalahku selama ini, tak lain tak bukan ada pada mahkota yang merupakan salah satu kebanggaan para wanita di seluruh jagad. Yap, apalagi kalau bukan rambutku. Dengan rambut yang super-duper-amat-sangat tebal, kaku nan lebat, sangat sulit untuk membuatnya tampak indah setiap saat. Sudah segala model rambut aku coba (selain botak, jabrik serta model-model rambut aneh lainnya), tapi semuanya gagal. Rebonding aja nggak kuat. Malahan rambutku jadi kering dan rusak. Memang kalau sehabis aku keramas, rambutku bisa jatuh turun tergerai dengan manisnya, tapi coba saja tunggu sampai agak siangan, rambutku bisa megar kesana-kemari kayak singa. Secara visual, rambutku mirip rambutnya karakter telenovela Betty Lafea, lengkap dengan atribut kacamatanya. Ugly Betty yang notabene Amerikanisasi dari telenovela itu aja lebih waras. Walaupun dandananku tidak separah dia, tapi cukup merusak penampilanku secara keseluruhan. Hehe. Makanya, aku selalu mengikat rambutku atau membuatnya menjadi konde kecil. Soal dandanan, aku nggak neko-neko. Lebih sering tampil apa adanya, dan amat jarang menggunakan make-up. Walaupun aku yakin teman-teman sekantor sudah gatal untuk meng-make over penampilanku, tapi selalu tidak pernah kesampaian.

Aku itu sebetulnya nggak nuntut macam-macam kok. Selama dia baik, pengertian sayang dan cinta sama aku, itu sudah cukup. Tapi aku percaya banget sama yang namanya cinta pada pandangan pertama, dan selama ini aku belum menemukan perasaan itu pada pria-pria yang sudah aku temui. Pokoknya kata perasaanku, kalau klop, pasti nempel.

Lagian ngapain juga cepat-cepat settle, wong hidup masih perlu untuk dinikmati. Sering nggak kebayang kalo suatu saat aku menikah, punya anak, menyusui, masak, nunggu suami pulang.

Hmm…, kapan yah kesampaian.

Hush, kok jadi curhat gini! Daripada capek mikir, mendingan nikmatin aja yang ada sekarang. Kebetulan aku juga lumayan workoholic, jadi masih banyak kerjaan yang harus diselesaikan. Kebetulan suasana kantor juga mendukung.

Tapi yah, inilah aku. Seorang wanita lajang yang beberapa bulan lagi akan merayakan ulang tahunnya yang ke 28, dengan lamunan mengenai sang pangeran nan gagah berani, sambil masih menggigit kecil-kecil biskuit kesukaannya dan ...

‘Mar, kamu tidak makan siang?’, seru wanita paruh baya secara tiba-tiba dari ujung bilik kerjaku.

‘Ini makan siang saya bu’, gumamku terkaget-kaget seraya secara refleks menunjukkan biskuit Regal di genggamanku yang tinggal separuh.

‘Bagus, kalau begitu saya bisa minta waktu lebih kamu. Bagaimana hasil sketsanya, sudah kamu terima belum dari tim kreatif?’, tanyanya dengan tenang.

‘Belum bu, sejam lagi sketsanya baru siap untuk presentasi.’, seruku yang masih berusaha menyadarkan diri dari lamunan.

‘Hey, siang bolong gini ngelamun. Tolong langsung segera diserahkan ke meja saya dalam map biru untuk kita bicarakan bersama sebelum kamu bawa ke klien’, serunya pelan, namun tetap terdengar berwibawa.

‘Sekarang komprehensifnya sedang diproses’.

‘Bagus. Saya mau semuanya tepat waktu kali ini. Ini proyek besar, dan hampir saja kita melewati tenggat waktu yang ditawarkan. Jangan kecewakan saya, okay. Oh ya, jangan lupa untuk membawa surat kontraknya. Saya mau membacanya sekali lagi’, serunya tenang seraya tersenyum kecil sambil membetulkan kacamata Fendi favorit yang berpadu pas dan trendi dengan dandanan khas etniknya.

‘Sebagai pengingat, kita ada presentasi dengan klien nanti jam 3, okay?’.

‘Siap bos’.

‘By the way Mar, di mulut dan bajumu banyak remah-remah tuh. Ntar banyak burung yang matok-kin loh’, tawanya kecil sambil menunjuk dada dan mulutku dan berlalu.

Serta merta aku bersihkan sisa remah-remah biskuit di baju dan mulutku.

Yap, itulah bosku, ibu Natasya Purwabhakti Pertiwi MM, M.Sn. Head officer yang selalu terlihat bersemangat dengan berbagai macam kesibukan. Padahal kalau dipikir-pikir, dia masih terlihat muda dan enerjik untuk wanita seusianya. Berpesta ria tiap minggu bersama kerabat serta klien di berbagai club, mengerjakan bertumpuk-tumpuk assignment dan proyek yang tak kunjung henti, mengikuti belasan arisan tiap bulan, melanjutkan kuliah S3 finansial dan sekarang tengah mengerjakan disertasinya, tapi masih bisa menyempatkan diri untuk makan malam bersama suami di berbagai restoran bintang lima, punya dua anak berprestasi lulusan universitas luar nagri ternama semacam Harvard dan UCLA, bisa bermain dengan cucunya, de es be.

Hebatnya lagi, dia tidak pernah kelihatan lelah, apalagi bete di depan karyawannya. Oleh karena itu dimata kolega kerja dan para karyawan, termasuk aku, dia bak ibu bagi kami semua. Dia tidak pernah terlihat memberi jarak, malahan kita-kita yang sungkan jadinya. Ck…ck, dia memang seorang role model, cantik luar dalam. Kegigihannya itu selalu membuatku terpana. Satu hal lagi, dia paling suka dipanggil bos, yang katanya sih, untuk mencairkan suasana kantor yang sering kali kaku.

Oh ya, sangkin keenakannya ngelamun dan menjelaskan panjang lebar tentang bosku, aku sampai lupa memperkenalkan diri.

Namaku Mari Sulistyo.

Bukan Marry, Merry, Meri ataupun Maria. M-A-R-I. Seperti lagunya tante Titiek Puspa, yang ‘Mari’-lah Kemari, karakter komik jepang tempo dulu yang jago balet, Mari-chan, serta telenovela Mari Mar. Dan bukan seperti Marie Regal (cemilan wajibku pas makan siang), karena disitu masih ada huruf ‘e’-nya. Yah, aku cukup senang dengan namaku yang Mari saja. Malah dengar-dengar, aku sempat mau diberi nama ‘lemari’ (karena kata pamanku, waktu melahirkan ibuku ngebayangin mengeluarkan lemari dari rahimnya dan menyebut ‘lemari’ terus menerus). Untungnya ibuku masih punya akal sehat dan terpilihlah namaku yang sekarang. Daripada lemari, jauh lebih mendingan ‘Mari’ (salah-salah aku bisa dipanggil lemur). Tapi aku lebih senang dipanggil Mar biar gampang diingat (atau dilupakan, hehe…).

Sedangkan nama Sulistyo aku dapat dari nama belakang mendiang ayahku, Bambang Herwibawanto Sulistyo. Kalau ingat ayahku, pasti ingat suaranya yang menggelegar dan senyumnya yang selalu tersembunyi di balik kumis lebatnya. Jadi rindu sama ayah. Ayahku meninggal waktu aku baru masuk kuliah. Sejak itulah aku kerja kesana-kemari sembari kuliah. Mulai dari kasir restoran, waitress, freelance designer, tukang sablon kaos sampai jadi music director radio amatir dekat kampus, semuanya aku jalani. Jadi boleh dibilang pengalaman kerjaku cukup banyak, walaupun lebih sering di belakang layar. Ini aku lakukan untuk menambah uang jajan tiap bulannya, sekaligus tabungan. Karena aku suka sekali dengan buku dan film. Inilah yang mungkin mempertemukan aku dengan tiga teman sejatiku hingga sekarang, minus satu temanku yang sudah mangkat sebelum kami lulus semua.

Aku tinggal bersama ibuku yang masih terlihat funky di usianya yang hampir kepala enam. Dulu seorang penyanyi yang cukup terkenal di daerahnya, Palembang untuk tepatnya. Selama ayahku dinas di Sumatra selama 5 tahun, kami sekeluarga diajak tinggal bersama disana. Waktu itu aku belum ada, jadi ibu masih bisa lenggang kangkung di panggung hiburan. Jujur saja, kalau misalnya dia melanjutkan kariernya, terlepas dari memiliki aku, mungkin dia bisa jadi salah satu penyanyi legendaris Indonesia. Karena suaranya merupakan gabungan suara Diana Ross dengan Karen Carpenter. Pokoknya bagus lah. Nama panggungnya Dian, tapi nama aslinya Diana Puspa Lestari. Tapi semenjak tidak menyanyi lagi, dia lebih memilih untuk membuka katering dan jasa pembuatan gaun serta jas. Cukup banyak loh pelanggannya. Dan aku sangat bangga dengan ibuku itu.

Satu lagi penghuni tetap rumahku yang sekarang adalah om Heru, paman dari sisi ibu. Adik ibuku yang satu ini memang pesolek. Sama seperti ibuku, dulu dialah trendsetter di daerahnya. Pernah menjadi model salah satu majalah remaja pada masanya. Malah pernah jadi model iklan shampo, walaupun yang diambil cuma cut rambut dan tangannya saja. Percaya atau tidak, walaupun termasuk pria yang tampan, sampai sekarang dia masih melajang. Malah setia banget ngebantuin kakaknya, khususnya dalam urusan mendesain gaun. Tapi di mataku, mereka berdua seperti sepasang mantan artis yang masih sibuk dengan api sisa masa-masa kejayaan mereka dulu. Dengan bertambahnya usia, terkadang aku merasa mungkin dalam waktu dekat, aku ingin bisa lebih mandiri dan membantu mereka, bukannya malah merepotkan mereka.

Sekarang aku bekerja di salah satu agensi periklanan dan grafis ternama dibilangan selatan Jakarta, dan tengah menjabat sebagai Account Executive. Dengan backgroundku sebagai mahasiswa lulusan Desain Komunikasi Visual dan S2 Marketing, sketsa-sketsa proyek, pertemuan dengan calon klien, negosiasi, presentasi, semuanya menjadi santapanku tiap hari. Melelahkan, tapi aku menikmati tiap detiknya. Semuanya aku bawa enjoy aja. Dan entah mengapa, aku lumayan menyukai jabatanku yang sekarang, hingga rasanya aku tidak terlalu bernafsu untuk mengejar promosi yang sering ditawarkan bu Natasya kepadaku.

Trrrt, trrrt, trrrt, trrrt

Oh ya, reminder ponselku. Ada apaan yah nanti sore? Moga-moga bukan makan malam bareng cowok-cowok pilihan ibuku. Seperti teman-temanku juga, ibuku turut ambil andil dalam menjodohkan aku. Selama 3 tahun terakhir ini aku sudah dikenalkan dengan lusinan cowok-cowok berbagai tipe dan bentuk. Tapi seperti yang aku bilang di awal tadi, semuanya nggak ada yang klop. Andaikata aku puzzle, nah cowok itu harus jadi bagianku yang hilang. Aku kadang bingung, yang mau nikah itu ibuku atau aku. Habis, dianya yang sering kelabakan sendiri.

Tertulis ‘green tea time 5.30 p.m.’ di reminder-ku. Ya ampun! Hari ini khan waktunya ketemuan dengan teman-teman kuliah. Teman-teman paling dekatku. Karena cuma kita berempat yang sering kumpul bareng setiap bulannya. Nanti aku ceritakan siapa saja mereka pas kita sudah ketemu mereka. Okay. Sekarang kita…

‘Mar, berkas-berkasnya’.

Oh ya, pesanan bu Natasha. Bisa gawat kalau belum aku serahkan sekarang.

Buru-buru kirim sms buat yang lain ah, supaya pada ingat. Ih, jadi gak sabar ketemuan sama yang lain. Sekalian catat nanti ada rapat dengan klien jam 3 di kantornya.

Oh ya, pesanan bu Natasaha!

* * *

‘Gimana tadi rapatnya mbak Mar, sukses’, seru Ira dari bilik kerjanya dengan riang. Itulah Ira dengan suaranya yang melengking tinggi, mengimbangi tubuhnya yang kutilang (kurus tinggi langsing).

‘Lumayan lah, akhirnya kita menang pitching juga, malahan mau diperpanjang kontraknya untuk buat lima iklan lagi. Dan mau tahu berapa lama tayangnya?’.

‘Berapa lama mbak?’, serunya antusias.

‘Satu tahun sih, tapi lumayan loh’.

‘Berarti nanti bonusnya pasti banyak khan? Jangan lupa ntraktir kita-kita loh mbak’, katanya centil sambil memainkan pena Parker hitam dan mengedipkan matanya.

‘Nyantai aja, nanti sekalian ajak Nina dan Maydin kalo semuanya lagi gak sibuk. Biar ramean. Ntar aku kabarin lagi deh, okay’.

‘Mbak Mar, tadi siang nyesel banget loh tidak ikut makan siang bareng kita’.

‘Emang ada apaan, ada menu burung unta guling di kantin mak Ijah?’, tukasku ogah-ogahan sambil merapikan berkas-berkas dan sketsa di meja.

‘Nggak lah mbak. Lebih hebat lagi! Ada cowok ganteng banget, mirip Brad Pitt. Denger-denger pegawai baru. Kalau aku nggak kawin sama mas Suwito, pasti tak caplok lanang(laki) itu. Tapi cocok banget loh kalau bareng mbak.’, serunya kenes sambil tertawa kecil karena dia paling tahu, aku nggak tahan kalo dia sudah mulai menjodoh-jodohkan aku.

‘Ra, khan seminggu ini aku sedang sibuk dengan proyeknya bu Natasha, trus aku memang jarang makan siang. Terakhir kamu bilang ada cowok mirip Orlando Bloom, pas ketemuan malah mirip Charlie Chaplin. Gilingan!? Dan yang paling penting, kamu tahu Ra?’.

‘Apaan mbak?’.

‘Aku paling males kalau kalian nyomblangin aku. Khan sudah terbukti hasilnya 98% berantakkan semua’.

‘2%-nya?’.

‘Satunya sudah beristri, sudah beranak lima lagi. Yang satunya gay!’, tukasku bete.

‘Okey-key, jangan sewot gitu dong mbak Mar. Tapi jangan lupa ntraktir kita-kita kalau mbak jadian loh. Apalagi kalau sudah siap pasang janur kuning sama tenda birunya’, serunya kenes sambil berlalu dengan cepat.

‘Ra’, teriakku tiba-tiba.

‘Ya mbak?’, teriaknya dari ke jauhan kaget.

‘Pokoknya kali ini, jangan bawa cowok yang aneh-aneh. Janji…!’, teriakku lagi.

‘Janji’. Terdengar suaranya semakin menjauh dan mengecil.

Itulah Ira, salah satu teman kantorku yang paling gencar nyomblangi aku dengan banyak cowok. Nina dan Maydin juga salah satu antek-anteknya yang sama kerasnya berusaha menjodohkan aku. Tapi mereka bertigalah yang selalu menemaniku selama suka dan duka di kantor.

Ira dan Nina, walaupun usia mereka lebih muda beberapa tahun dari aku, merekalah bukti nyata wanita karier yang mampu memiliki keluarga yang bahagia. Sedangkan Maydin, juniorku, sering kali jadi cheerleader untuk mereka berdua. Terkadang aku senang, karena setidaknya mereka bertiga berusaha untuk kepentinganku juga. Dan itu sering membuatku terharu.

Yah, akhirnya semua selesai. Meeting selesai, pitching sukses, sketsa tepat dikumpulkan sebelum jatuh tempo, presentasi dapat acungan jempol. Pokoknya hari ini semuanya sukses…ses…ses! Senangnya, setelah seminggu penuh akhirnya ketemu titik terang juga. At least, aku nanti bisa minta cuti beberapa hari sama bu Natasha.

Okay, kantor sudah sepi, selain para designer yang lebih sering bergadang disini, semuanya sudah pulang. Lampu kantorpun sudah dimatikan, sebagai salah satu bentuk penghematan katanya. Daripada kepanasan gara-gara AC sudah dimatikan, lebih baik aku siap-siap.

Baju sudah siap. Jas peach formal Roly Poly-ku sepadan dengan rok pinknya. Kemeja putih garis-garis di dalamnya cocok. Parfum Lacoste sudah kusemprotkan. Sepatu Prada lancip warisan ibu agak kotor nih ujungnya. Mana tissu?!? Ludahin sedikit, yap! Bersih! Penampilanku, pas banget.

Sekarang barang-barang, jangan ada yang sampai ketinggalan. Aku lihat dulu list barangku hari ini. Mana yah memo-ku, oh ini dia.

Tas, check.

Ponsel, check.

Dompet, check.

Laptop, check.

iPod, check.

Earphone, check.

Kunci Mobil, check.

Album Joni Mitchell titipan om Heru, check.

Kacamata, hey, tunggu dulu. Mana kacamataku?!? Coba aku cari di laci dulu. Hmm…, nggak ada. Di tong sampah. Cuma ada bekas bungkus biskuit.

Kok tidak ada yah. Aku tidak pernah beranjak dari mejaku, selain ke kantor bu Natasha dan ke kantor klien. Nggak mungkin ketinggalan di kantor klien khan. Tadi pas pulang di mobil bu Natasha aku sempat ngelap lensanya kok. Aduh, bisa berabe nih. Ini cuma kotaknya. Masak beli lagi. Ini sudah keempat kalinya dalam tahun ini. Aku ini memang pelupa berat, jadi semua barang yang aku bawa setiap hari harus aku tulis dalam memo kecilku ini, sedangkan daftar event atau meeting aku taruh di reminder ponsel. Yah, terpaksa ke optik lagi deh. Padahal khan nggak murah. Framenya saja Dior. Pakai uang bonus komisi proyek lalu. Huff ... Terpaksa berburam-buram ria selama beberapa jam nanti.

Ya ampun, sudah 16.20. Harus cepat-cepat nih biar nggak terlambat. Untung kantorku dekat dengan tujuan. Naik busway aja ah, biar nanti minta Ken saja nganter aku balik pas malamnya.

Berarti yang belum dibawa, mobil. Catat di memo.

* * *

Working Title - TEA

yes, i've been bragging to some of my close friend that i used to write novel, already on its page 66, but all of sudden writer's block strike (well, im doing my final project, back in the 07. Nothing too dramatic bout it). Ive done writing the story frame, but, i've changed (A LOT) in this past few years. I lose the feel, the essence, the emotion of my story.

So now, to encourage myself to continue it, here's the prologue. A short one, before i start to publish the first chapter. Enjoy.

Prolog

Sore itu semuanya tampak seperti biasa. Udara di sekitar Dago Pakar memang sangat sejuk untuk dinikmati. Sudah kedua kalinya kami melakukan ritual ini, dan memang lumayan untuk melepaskan penat setelah mengerjakan bertumpuk-tumpuk tugas kuliah yang serasa tidak ada habis-habisnya. Jadi yah, boleh lah…

Sebetulnya sih ini ide Michael.

Michael Anugrah, sobat, teman, kekasih hati, belahan jiwa serta pemersatu kami berempat. Mangkat enam bulan setelah ia merekatkan kami. Hingga sekarang tidak ada yang tahu apa penyebab kematiannya, sebab tidak ada yang berhasil menemukan jenasah Michael. Ia menghilang saat mendaki gunung Kilimanjaro bersama lima anggota tim pecinta alam yang dibinanya. Setelah berbulan-bulan tidak terdengar kabarnya, secara resmi Michael dianggap meninggal. Padahal, diantara kami berlima, dialah yang paling humoris, jenaka, atau mungkin kelewat iseng. Kepergiannya merupakan hal yang paling berat untuk kami semua. Terutama Ken, karena Michael adalah sahabat terdekatnya.

Dia jugalah yang pertama kali mengajak Deana untuk pergi ke tempat Ken, salah satu teman yang aku idolakan semasa kuliah dulu. Untungnya Deana, dengan amat sangat memaksa dan penuh ancaman, mengajak aku.

Nama ‘Green Tea Club’ merupakan idenya, dan ia juga yang mengharuskan kami setidaknya minum teh hijau bersama setiap sabtu sore di kediaman Ken, sambil menceritakan apa saja yang telah kami lewati selama seminggu sebelumnya. Ada-ada saja ide si Michael. Tapi memang ada benarnya pepatah sembari berenang minum air. Gak ada salahnya minum-minum teh, tukar pikiran, sambil melototi wajah Ken yang tampan. Hingga akhirnya semua berlalu dan menjadi suatu kebiasaan.

Oh kangennya…

NOKIA N8 SCRIPT COMPETITION - Gener8

yes, i've wrote some script for Nokia N8 - Gener8 script competition. its quite a surprise for me, coz i never thought that i'll cut into the final 8. It start with a sunny (yet cloudy) sunday. Im all alone in my home, watching television, until suddenly i change my channel randomly into MetroTV's Showbuzz. Yes, when im heard Joko Anwar's name, all of sudden i like, zap! Is he making a new flick? Yes indeed, he made a short movie for the latest Nokia N series, starring Fahri Albar and Marsha Timothy (his fave couple, period?). But when i heard that they'll make a contest out of it, i was like, pow! Here's my chance to do something out my regular activity (going to college, taking the class, dating, eating, farting?!). So, within 2 days, i plotting the frame, and do the writing. but, the silly thing is, when they told us to write a scene at least 1 minutes more or less (that showed by how many pages that had been written), i've made a 14 minutes long.

The first script (the long one), is written based on an alternate reality that our character had been through. you see, im not making an ending, im putting too many weird twist, which is my cup of tea. The second script is made when im told to cut of many scene. yes, im cutting it into 4 pages long (which is equal 4 minutes) but hey!! its still too long. So i've made it based on one features that attarct me the most, the music side of it. The OVI Music.

So, my final ending doesn't reflect my first intention (which is horrifiyingly too long), but its still gonna be my baby, and its the first time i jumped into so called, movie production. Though its just take a few hour to take my so called scene, but the producing experience with Joko Anwar and team just gives me a lil insight about the industry that i've been loving for. The movie making industry, a harsh, hard world. Well, i didn't make it as the winner, but when you can see your dream shaping its form, damn! That's the best thing that ever happen to me (and of course, the magnifique Nokia N8. Gosh it take sharp pictures, and im still amazed! At least for now.).

So, would you like to make movies with me? (not the 'video mirip artis' kind, a real cinematique one. teehee)

shriek..

Perpetuating the live
of a very important insignificant
proposing to eliminate
the tendecy of dreaming

are we really living here
where all of the graveyards risen
subdue to the infinite
deus ex machina, evoking the thrill

cultivate the light
embracing the fright
aren't we laughing to
the life that were shrinking on

Pardon...

Dear All

i won't erase any of my negative post about my life, my family, my past colleague, my friends, my point of view, and probably you. i won't regret to what that had been written here. i know im not as stable as many others. But i must admit, some of you have just witnessing someone's milestone, someone's fears and hopes. You've just read me, here.

so pardon me if its gonna leave a bitter after-read, but i can assure you, this life is never been sweeter without a pinch of misery and a handfull of positivity (with a ton of mysteries and possibilities).

Sincerely,
J.G. Pratama

... (happy)

i don't know what to say, i've passing this pass whole year, trying to redeem my own happiness, insecurity, while slowly transform my self into a responsible, nurturing character that i've been longing for.

One sentence to describe it, is 'loose it, so you won't lose a bit'.

My heart is full as a concrete, but my mind is always half glassed to fill'in. So i can easily move forward, be happy.

And ever since this year, my life is just getting stranger

and stronger

and happier

and more nutty

and full

and yes, finally i can absorb & understand what happiness is..

Due Date

Dear Blog

Yes, it need courage behind it. Tidak bisa kita hanya menumpahkan segala hal apabila tidak ada emosi dibaliknya, dan juga tidak berarti hanya gumpalan emosi di dalamnya. Perasaan bisa dibagi, tapi tidak bisa sekedar dimengerti.

Mulai berfikir mau menulis apa? Mungkin memang sekarang tidak ada cerita, atau memang partikel otak kita sudah mulai merana, sekarat karena terlalu diasah.

So dear blog, i'll write on you someday. Not tomorrow, not the day after tomorrow. But simply a milestone a head. Wait for me, cause there's nothing more greatfull than a very long engagement.

Sincerely
J.G. Pratama

Blabber

Let Me Write
Let Me Crop The Night
Hide, Hide, Hide
The Moon still Nigh

Curiosity tangled
Capitulating at sight
Choose, choose, choose
the mother goose dies

Wake me up
wake me up
it still gives fright
to lose its right

* is this just a writer's block, or im just too lazy to knock.. knock.. knock.. (who's there)

ウサビッチ Daisuki!

Its been almost a whole year i knew this quirky silly animated character duet, and my first encounter is set when i willingly gives up my 1.30 min to be entertain in any random time. This series of animated short films was produced for MTV Japan by Kanaban Graphics since 2006.

And now, meet Putin and Kirenenko. One word to describe this under 2 minutes short ani-sode is 'ADOREBLE'! In the same vein with Mondo's Happy Tree Friends, Usavich is a more decent yet funny animation with some funny sound effect, background music, and of course, the unbearably funny gesture from it's cast. If you're wondering, why Usavich? Usavich (ウサビッチ?) is from Japanese うさぎ "usagi", rabbit, with "vich" giving it faux Russian flavor. That's why we found a lot Russian's name and also a lil bit bout their habit (like when Putin do the kazachok dance, even when he's sleeping)

Nuff said bout this silly animation that've been made into 3 seperate seasons. Just enjoy Kirenenko, Putin, Leningard, etc, and let them reminds u that even we're living in this mad-mad world, there are still another crazy-crazy creatures, like this Usavich, to entertain you.. Enjoy!

Hope, just a litte

Anoter quarrel, yet another time
Falling into you, means i must lose my sanity
All the time around, i know you've saved me before
But we're gone sour, savory to its core

Im just watching over you, through my knee
Small as it can be, yet powerfull and fragile as a china
I knowledge you gesturing misery
And hope flew, less than what it can be

A little

Hope

Jatuh

terlalu lama kita melewati waktu yang singkat ini
kau selalu menjawab apa yang tak kutanya
dan bertanya di saat ku kan menjawab
kuberkata, lihatlah kita bersamamu
kejam akan waktu yang kita siksa
terus menorehkan ini itu yang tak menentu

terlalu singkat kita mengharapkan perubahan abadi ini
ku selalu menjawab di saat kau bertanya
dan bertanya di saat kau tak mau menjawab
kau berkata, lihatlah aku bersama diriku
lemah lembut akan apa yang kita perbuat
atas coreng-moreng setiap kenangan indah yang kita toreh

terlalu muluk akan apa yang kita lihat
melanturkan jawaban yang salah kala tak mau berkata
dan menjawab hanya untuk meluka, terluka
kita berkata, kami hanya ingin didengar
gegap gempita semua kedigdayaan atas ego belaka
kita jatuh, menjauh, tak berujung

tak terluka

Family, Friends, Foe

Ramadhan is passed, the euphoria is cooling down, but somehow old habits usually struck again in just a few day. Im not saying that i love my neurotic personality, especially when my tantrums strike all of sudden, but it's just me. I paid to be sane, and i paid a lot. Let start it with a way back beyond this present time, let start from my childhood. Don't want to blame anyone else, but to be honest, my house member, especially the old figure never teach me how to act responsibly and be stable emotionally. I never really felt any nice growing time, it's just growing pains. Yes, i am vengeancefull person. It's easy to forgive, but i never forget. This is an example that a small act can occur not all of sudden. It takes time to absorb the situation, mosh it, and now you get the result. I never forget when my mom tricked me, and trick others, just for her advantages. First lesson about lying and self indulgence. It because she never want to listen to anybody. It is a never ending strains, especially when my dad is around. I know he's trying so hard as a breadwinner, but my mom always wants more. Don't get me wrong, my mom is a very heart warming and wise person, but somehow, her period and superiority always drive us crazy. She always telling us that whatever she's told to us is the right opinion, no matter what the reasons and results.

Fast forward to my high school, the hard days become alive, as told in many teen-flick or teen-lit that you ever know. I fall in love, i do my school task, but still, there's is something wrong with reward-punishment cycle that i've been through. I never really feel any reward, or regard in any kind of way. Its always this man's son, this woman's daughter, they do this, they do that, and it always makes me small, dwarfing my personality, a character killer if i might say so. And until now, i always scared to move on.

Today's event, i suddenly realize that im left behind, by some of my friends, or whom i might think as a friend before. I know, im just expecting too much from them, especially living in this hell like year. I never like 2009, i don't really want to spent my whole time stuck in this hollow, i trust those person in someway, at least some people to share, and now im grieving like all of sudden, it's my own faults that i've been left behind. And stupidly, i must accept that all around.

Family, either you're cursed to stuck with them all of your life, or vice versa, its you will power who can decide. I don't want to strangle anybody into one relationship, as a family, or a friend, or anything. I know how it feel when you're family trying so hard to control you, so i won't do the same thing. Well, you probably thinking why i'm whining now, this so called teenagers problem do affect a 24 years old guy? Mm, im admiting that im a late bloomer, who's struggling to shape his own character in this short time around, trying to be bold and honest, while the world collapsing bit by bit by it's nature.

I need this, to recollect my own strength and help others.

...

to be honest, i feel vulnarable when im around you
what is love
we're both playing
and we can't get enough of

i've bite my tounge
now i lost you
you can't get it
and im not that tough

sincerely
your's truly

Mrs. Cold


(a fragment from Kings of Convenience - Mrs. Cold)

social networking, an implication of self awareness

This past few months, after a long days of hiatus, living an idyllic life, usually the boredom strucks so fast and you can't even tell which is which, the reality or the illusive one. I almost spend my whole days in front of the computer, do my writing (some journal and fiction work), studying math and TOEFL for my master degree (the time spread was just too long, and i got a little bit bored cause it takes almost a year, waiting in vain). Most people gonna say that im just so easily get bored, not patience enough, and bla bla bla. To be honest, almost my whole life im living being an inresponsible person, and i tend to love it. The thing is, i am become a late bloomer. Not gonna blame my parents or my environment, its just me who can't handle what i want, and what i need. It drowns me into my own depression. Not to be whining or complaining all around, its just what i've decided before, affecting me. Im become another person, and it is not me. I'm become an inferior person.

Now go to the technology side, i've become to easily dependence with this type of communication. It closed my self from my own self awareness, and it makes me too lazy too socialize. I've become too easily sharing own's mind, and somehow it's not a good thing, cause it's not even real. Making up my FB status with conundrum, it makes me easily cheat my own feeling, being dishonest, being, not me. Probably this is gonna be my ultimate u-turn. To be me..to be continued...

Nostalgic

i remember it scent
through the heavy rain
so intense, i almost lose my breath
how this feeling emerge
pushing my senses
and i see all the glimpse
of you
walking, passing by, staring
just you, and me


before there’s us

Try

i advice my heart to follow its voice

i trust in the name of hope

i walk through the path that i left before

now i want to try

i want to change the course

i'll try to fix my lemon heart

sour and lonely deep inside

now i want to try

i've lost the one i hold the most

i've threw my only future

with my own truce

i curse my soul

how much burden that i hold

i must trust the companion beside

to see clearly through

before i stop in time

3 Months Vampire

No, im not talking bout the blood sucking type. But somehow, it do inspire me to write this journal. A few days ago, i revisit Neil Jordan's Interview With A Vampire, for the million times. It is one of my favourite nosferatu movie genre, besides Bram Stoker's Dracula and Let the Right One In. As a truly moviegoers, a movie is not only about the movie itself, but also many aspects in it. so i watched the behind the scene section. there, i found out the connection between Anne Rice's vampire character with the celebrities life, that is quiet similar. Between a vampire and the celebrities lifestyle, we can see perfectly that they (the celeb) prefer to hide behind the spotlight, even though, they are, the 'spotlight' magnet. Hence to the blood sucking for survival, they need the spotlight, but somehow, they intend to hide the true nature of themselves. let say, being fake, and losing their own character. like most vampires in IWAV, who acted like human, who plays vampires.

So, the connection between this vampire matters, celebrities life, and my own life recently, is (naively im saying this) we live in a world full of vampires, minus the blood sucking, long fang, and attractive look, but more into the way they act trough the day. this kind of vampire will drain your mood, your life, and your hope if they can, all day and all night (it depends on how long you spend your time and interact with them). last year, on november to be exact, i lose my job. Quiet the perfect one, becoming a Music Director in a teenager radio station in Bandung, even though the salary is under the minimum wages, but i loved the boldness that most people there holds. being honest to the others, and them self, know the boundaries and joining together for a better good. But sadly, last year recession do really ruins almost everybody opportunities. so, on behalf of my company, im resigning, because they doesn't have the ability to pay my salary, and most of the workers there. Unfortunately, this is the place where i put almost all my desire in music and broadcasting, so it is quiet heart wrenching moment for mr. but i must move on, so, in the next year, i took a job from one of my connection. she gives me the opportunity to be a radio promotion in her company. i think this is gonna be another great place to learn, and grow my interest in music industry, and then...the story goes.

move fast forward to today, to be honest, i almost learn nothing back there. it looks like i degraded my self, after a long year of learning this and that. from my music character, the way i interact and the principals that i've learned before. there's always never ending drama, so many emotional fluctuation, backstabbing, intrigue, and a lot more. I don't know, is this the environment's fault, my feng shui or else. most of the people, without any force, embracing the intimidation vibe that my ex boss gives to them. they always said the other word every time they met, whining behind her back, but they know, she's done wrong things, that can harm them and the company, personally and professionally. they've waited too long i guess, cause they've already on the comfort zone. myself, as a new comer, try to observe everything on my first month. i put my hope to this company and its people, but what i got is the fake happiness and truly bitterness. like my partner in the same division as mine, she's absorbing so many negativity towards her, by the way she act, the way she think and giving a statement. to many excuses, and think that the other wouldn't understand her misery (yeah,quiet the misery she's making her own and focusing only to those matter). this is one a hell good first impression i guess from my workplace (my point being cynical), but i try to hold on. ironically, she's kinda reminds me with my old self. so i know, how much i hate my old self, as her as the reflection. a fake plastic doll in real life.

it's like an unhealthy regime. living and working with a toxic leader. this is one of the reason why i called them vampires. the other thing is by the way people react back there. most of them like this backstabbing game, absorbs everything that negative, bitter, and utterly deceive the light that hit them. they also like to absorbs someone ideas, and proclaiming that it's their own ideas/work.

everything finally comes to an end. 2 weeks ago, i try to set a fire there by my own action (i go to singapore without telling anybody that i try to find a better career and so on). i know, it's my own faults, but im aware about my consequences and the benefits of my own action. i can't live and be proud of, if i kill my own character for something that doesn't gives any benefits to me in the future. maybe i'm being to hard to everybody, too arrogant. sadly, im quiet disappointed. the people (i proclaiming) that im fighting for, just giving a don't know don't care gesture. they're not ready for any revolution yet i guess.

i know it's a harsh world out there, but if you kill your integrity for something that doesn't last forever, i would like to say, it's just a waste of time. life's just too short. it's like most of the people there absorb the darkness that, this character, spread through the air. there are two kind of person in this world (and my former office), whether they become the light/darkness itself, or the people who dwells into the darkness/the light. my ex boss, she choose to become the opposite side of the part that im taking, either dark or light, and the other is just dwelling in between. but we must aware, that the essence between the real light/darkness is quiet hard to define with the dwellers. cause they got almost the same trait. we'll find out when the real darkness/light is gone. they're gonna be a lost character there, and the dwellers will stay the same. so, now, i give up. i guess im a necessary sacrificial character, for my former company.

actually, im blabbering about all my disappointment back there. don't know the real connection between them and vampire. is it because they're hypocrite, suckling all the bitterness, or probably im the vampire, with my own 'dark gift', to reads someone thoughts? a clairvoyant, a clairsentient, living in a fake world. mm, i just know that, everything has its own purposes. i don't know what futures hold, or how i will survive through the harsh day and night. but i believe, if we believe in something good, greatness will come to us. it's like the life, imitates art, with their own way, with all the metaphor.

so my last question, am i the vampire, or im just being lost with all the people who dwells in the darkness that they choose as their own path?

i have no idea.

opto, ergo sum

life is just another momentum for me
it dwells...sucking me into the deepest core of feeling
the feeling that i hate the most, the feeling that i adore the most...
i never really know about my self, never the less, i hate my self all the time...
ive been through a lot sickening situation all this past 6 year...it always become a downfall for me, and it even can get any worser pass through the year...
people just come and go with leaving a mark, a bloody mark all through my heart...
it stab me, rip me, suck all the joy that i had, and leave it leak like a broken pipe...
ive almost kissed the mouth of death once, and runaway my mind from my body and soul
i never thought that i would survive...but i did...
but it just make me into a horrible person, a very horrible heartless person...
im sick being loved, and i sick being in love
it just never occurs me that love will set you free
it just make you stuck, like a bird in golden cage...
loves just gone from my dictionary
im no foolish, yet not a holy person...im just a living zombie who will get all my soul sucked everytime for pleasing others...
still, i dont know my self...

but something struck me...again...for the thousand times
i invite the glorious death, even closer, though i know that only Him who have the privilage to gives me such present...
i lose my faith, i forget all the passion i had, i dismissed all the things that my religion says, and the worst thing...i neglected all the one that i love, and all the person who care me the most...
it feels like, i become the most sick idiot person of the century
but something happened, yes indeed, it happen with a much-much more greater impact to me...
im reborn, rejuvinated, baptiszed, and feel glorified...
something inside me grows and runs fast into my vein like a crack poisened your body...
it just mad to feel this kind of sensation...cause it burns..its burning my brain, my body, my soul, but the most important thing...its burn my heart...
i never feel this passionate sensation all my live...
its like, truly...loves really can set you free...not only your mind, but also your body and soul...
i always search for love all my live, but the silly thing is, i find out that loves is all around us...
still, i cannot truly accept my self totally...but now, i feel that i am a survived narcisius, who will catch icarus from his downfall
i can see my reflection in every single living thing in this universe...
i know why im breath, i know why im be like this, i know why im sick, i know why i have this body,...and the most important thing...i know why i was born, and i meant a lot to all the people that i knew...
cause for me, life is just a decision arena, i choose to live in this world...and because of that desicion, i am here
cause with choices, so there was i...

opto, ergo sum